Being able to use the right words at the right time so you can speak the truth openly and honestly in a relationship, along with wanting to feel heard, understood and appreciated are some of the biggest challenges that most people face in relationships today.
Saying the wrong thing to someone (sometimes even the smallest thing) can absolutely wreck a relationship.
This is why using what we call "magic words" is so important in creating a close, connected, vital and alive relationship.
If you’re not getting the love, passion, intimacy or depth of connection that you want–the biggest reason is because of the words you use and how you use them when you communicate with your partner, spouse or lover.
Use the right words in the right way and it’s almost like waving a magic wand because what you get is "magic."
That’s why we call these words "magic" because when you use them they can work like "magic" to open both you and your partner’s hearts, create more love, more connection, more intimacy and more of whatever you want in your relationship.
These words can make the difference between whether you feel loved, cared for and connected or you feel alone, separated, distant and disconnected from your partner, mate or lover.
Long before we started writing books, doing seminars, creating programs and working with people, like you in our Relationship Breakthrough coaching practice–and prior to our relationship together–we had both come out of long-term marriages.
During that time and in those previous relationships, we both made every conceivable communication mistake you could make.
Saying the wrong thing at the wrong times and doing a poor job of communicating certainly wasn’t the only reason those marriages didn’t last but putting our "foot in our mouths," using the wrong words or saying the wrong thing to our partners certainly contributed to those relationships ending.
Otto specifically remembers on quite a few occasions, late at night sitting in the basement of the apartment he lived in with his ex, trying to figure out the right words to say to get her to tell him what she was thinking, feeling and why she seemed so distant to him.
In Susie’s situation–she and her first husband seemed to just go along living separate lives together until it was clear that the relationship was over.
Communication was civil but frustrating. Susie can recall many occasions where she felt like she was emotionally "clawing" at him so he’d reveal what he was feeling–but never to her satisfaction.
During the first part of our relationship, our bond and connection was so strong and it felt so good being together that we essentially ignored the fact that we had lousy communication skills when it came to intimate relationships.
We’d work all day and make love all night–and like most people in relationships, we figured out that we couldn’t do this forever.
When the "honeymoon" period of our relationship started coming to a close, we realized that it was going to require more than just magnetism and attraction if we were going to make it for the long-haul.
We somehow intuitively knew that if we didn’t learn the secrets to communicating with each other, even though our connection and attraction was strong, we probably wouldn’t make it either.
We knew we had to do something and that’s when we started studying everything we could get our hands on about relationships.
We read books, listened to audio programs, attended seminars, got coaching, and found mentors–and as a result of our desire to keep our relationship strong, healthy, vibrant, alive and connected…we learned thousands of relationship ideas and started practicing them.
One of the things we figured out as a result of all this studying and really digging deep into our relationships was–
In fact, another thing we discovered was when we felt really close and connected, supported, appreciated, loved and important– there were certain things we would say to each other (in certain ways we might add) that would help us feel even more connected. So we started doing more of it.
We started noticing these words that worked for us so well and then we started using them more intentionally and our relationship began to blossom and grow even more.
We learned that if you use the right words in the right way, you’ll want to let your old ways of communicating just fade away because this changes everything in your relationship for the better.
It wasn’t all that long ago that we were thinking about these words we use that work so well for us in our relationship that we decided to compile a list of them and offer the list to you and anyone else who wants them and show you how to best use them.
It seems to Shirley that Jay turns to alcohol whenever he gets stressed out or feels upset about something.
This is not a healthy habit, but it’s even worse because just about every time Jay drinks, the two of them get into a huge fight.
They don’t normally argue so Shirley often knows when Jay’s been drinking because he starts yelling at her about even minor issues. This usually sparks Shirley’s anger and she begins yelling along with him.
She wants to talk with Jay about his drinking and ask him to consider seeing an abuse counselor but is fearful that it will turn into another argument.
Shirley reads some websites that recommend ways of talking with your partner about his or her alcohol abuse and decides that it’s time to really be honest with Jay.
Starting her words to him with the phrase “Because our relationship is so important to me…” sets the framework for his being open to what else she has to say and she continues on by sharing with Jay how she feels when he drinks and arguments erupt between them–and… Read more…